Thursday 26 June 2008

Friends


I wrote this tonight, when Kat and I needed to do a writing exercise each. Not a great photo of the picture, but it was the picture I wrote from.

Joe walked along the steep, uneven trail of the coastal path and found himself standing at the edge of a sheer granite cliff. Above him he could feel the hot sun warming his neck and head and he heard gulls calling their messages to him as they circled and then dived below the ledge. Beneath him Joe could hear the rhythmic crashing of the waves against the foot of the cliff face. He closed his eyes and allowed the music of the sea to lift his spirits and the senses of nature to transport him away.

The campsite he had walked from was a flat and barren place, simply a place to pitch. From its sun-bleached grassy plateau he could hear the ocean, but he had needed to be near it, to smell it, to breathe it – to be absorbed by it. Joe breathed deeply and then opened his eyes, energised by the sun and the air. He smiled and looked downwards carefully from where he stood at the edge of the cliff. Jutting out from the frothing blue green sea was a row of irregular shaped granite rocks. This place was called Bedruthan Steps, but to Joe these were not the stepping-stones of a giant, rather they were the jagged teeth of a great sea beast, baring its fangs to the mortal world above it, challenging any intruder to its domain. Huge waves crashed with great force against the rocks and Joe’s spirit lifted and surged with them.

He was no longer the scrawny, gangly, pre-teen kid who always sat alone at the school lunchtime. He was no longer the poor soul who everyone talked about and no one talked to. At that moment his heart was not breaking in two, it was breaking free. Joe glanced down to his right hand side and observed a gull taking food to her chicks on the cliff. Purposefully and accurately she swooped on to a cleft in the rock face and delivered goodness to her babies. Caring, committed, safe. Beneath the nest was the irregular sand and pebble beach of a small cove, its isolation and immense inaccessibility made its appeal all the more desirable. There was no way down, but what a place to escape the world that did not seem to fit him.

Joe turned to look backwards towards the campsite where his mother would be assembling the evening meal over a Calor gas stove and his father would be ensuring the stability of the tent’s guy ropes. They simply had no clue. The world stretched two ways for Joe – one was the endless miles of rambling fields rising to the tors of the moor in the distance, this was the world where he was completely alone. He did well at school and his parents were proud of him but he had no friends that could remove the agonising pain of loneliness. The other way stretched to the far unknown horizon, and that had more appeal for Joe than anything else. At that moment the blue green sea surged forward with an extra loud crash as if it was offended like a spoilt child that Joe had taken his attention away from it.

The horizon was a distant black line and Joe wondered what would lie ahead of him if he could travel that way. His imagination conjured images of huge sea creatures with writhing bodies and razor teeth. It painted pictures of brilliant coral reefs and strange shaped marine life. It also created a brand new land, where the days were long and the natives warm and welcoming, having endless days of happiness with a bounty of friends. The sea was always a catalyst for magic in Joe’s mind. He was never alone when he had salty air in his lungs, the repetitive rhythms of the sea in his heart and the raucous cries of gulls ringing in his ears.

Tea would be ready soon. Mum and Dad would be beginning to wonder where he had got to. They had told him not to go too far and he hadn’t, well not really, only a mile or so. The draw of the friendly comforting sounds of the ocean were to powerful a draw for Joe to resist and that is what had brought him to the edge of his world at the cliffs.

Once again he breathed deeply, taking time to let the sea air fill every part of his lungs, raising his arms slowly upwards to embrace all that was around him in a prayer of thanks to his friends for their time and their blessing. They did not want him to go, clamouring for more of his time with crashing waves and screaming gulls, they wanted him to play with them for longer and show him their special treasures. Joe smiled and walked closer to the cliff edge, looking down he shook his head and sighed,
“Okay then, five more minutes guys.”

Joe’s parents had decided to come and look for their son, who seemed ever more distant these days.
“He’ll be near the sea, “ said Mum, “He always seems to be happy and relaxed near the sea.”
“No doubt,” agreed Dad nodding sagely as they walked hand in hand towards the coastal path. They reached the cliff edge near the great rock steps in the sea and looked down to the small beach cove below them.
“It is amazing here,” sighed Mum, “I can understand why he loves it so much here.”
“Truly spectacular,” smiled Dad, “No sign of Joe though?”
“Probably wandered a bit further along the cliff,” suggested Mum
“Yeah maybe…oh look what’s that?” Dad pointed out beyond the rocks into the sea, “A dolphin?”
“Maybe,” said Mum, “Sometimes they day you can see basking sharks, porpoises and dolphins along this coast.”
“The sea is a bit frothed up, I can’t make the shape out, but whatever it is, it is being tossed about and having some fun out there.”
“Its jumping and diving below the waves in the swell, going under and up – I wonder if Joe can see it?” said Mum looking around.
“Joe? Joe?” called Dad, “Joe where are you?”
“I’m here, “ called Joe waving frantically at his parents, “I’m playing with my friends here, I’ll only be five more minutes.” With that Joe sank beneath the frothing blue green surface again and his parents went out of sight.

End

6 comments:

Jan said...

Hello and good seeing you on my blog.
You asked re ideas for classes: let me have your email address and I'll let you know the sort of stuff I do.
It seems to work successfully because I enjoy it and folk keep coming back!

Tamsyn Murray said...

That was a lovely piece of writing, I could almost taste the sea air :-)

There's a bit of repetition. That happens when you do a timed exercise like this and will be fixed when you revisit it. The dialogue (mum especially) repeats a bit but maybe you could speech earlier on in the piece so there's less telling of the story?
I hope you're going to review this piece? I think it could be a competition entry someday :-)

Michelle said...

Thanks for your feedback Tam, really appreciated
Michellex

Leigh Russell said...

Don't agree with Tam's criticism of the repetition - we mums always repeat ourselves, don't we? (or is it just me?!)

But I do agree that you should always try to show the story, not tell it. That way it comes alive.

I enjoyed your short story very much and think this piece is definitely worth spending time on. Self editing is hard, but necessary, I find. (And then, just when I think I'm done, my editor puts me straight with her edits! I've been fortunate as my publisher is using a brilliant editor for my MS - but the editor makes me work hard!)

I found you on Debs' blog, by the way.

Jan Mader said...

I'm a children's author and animal lover. I'd love to have to stop by my blog for writers at
http://ignitetowrite.blogspot.com/
or my blog for animal lovers at
http://animaltalk4u.blogspot.com/

Hope to talk to you soon.

Jon M said...

Michelle: DoDoDoDo get in touch, Mortlock comes out in Hradback in April and if it was in the Summer... I might be off work. I'm seriously interested in your serious offer! :) jonATjonmayhewDOTcoDOTuk